Out-Thinking

Out-thinking

Today is St.David’s Day. I think I woke up with the fire of his dragon burning through my brain. Not going to lie, it wasn’t pretty. I really struggle when my mind pulls a 180 without being able to understand why.

I walked, practiced my yoga, I closed my eyes. I tried not to try... I really struggle with that one. And it dawned on me again, that no matter how much I learn, and practice, that I will never be able to out-think these thoughts of mine.

My fire has burnt out, for now.

My daughter is massaging my head... that helps. ❤️✨ Anyone else feel the fire today?

Space Inside

Space Inside

Overwhelm: bury or drown beneath a huge mass of something.

This is a huge part of my story. Overwhelm. I often felt like I was drowning in my sensations as a child. My environment played a huge part in this story too... take me to the city and I'd literally hurl myself off the pavement into the oncoming vehicles, my need to escape was so strong. Give me space and horizons and I unravel, relax.

I felt like I was made of tectonic plates held together under great tension. There was no gentle tilting for me as a child, the plates shifted, fast, and fiercely, and the earthquakes and eruptions followed. I still carry shame around my 'temper' as a child, and as a mother. It wasn't until I had children that I understood that I needed to change. I was desperate to find a way to work with this magma of mine.

So space is a huge part of my story. I seek it out, both the physical and emotional aspect of space. My son has helped me to learn a huge amount about listening to these forces. From his earliest years when he found the world too much, he would cover his eyes, and ears if he could, and sink to the ground. Paralysed by sensation and emotion. Needing to turn the world off, just for a while, to re-calibrate, find his centre, his ground.

And it's funny, as I’d laugh about it and think it was such a bizarre thing to do... to try to hide by covering his eyes. Whilst I'd just hide in my house, in my mind, from the world. But there’s this thing I’m noticing... something incredible happens when you close your eyes. Truly. And I feel like I've only started to dip my toes into this magic ocean of darkness and stillness that is within me, right here. It seems so obvious, to tune out. But I didn't realise that I have the power to switch off a sense, simply by closing my eyes.

And once I close my eyes... my whole world changes.

I'm reading 'And There Was Light' at the moment, a memoir about a blind French man during the war, and it's blowing my mind. I feel there's so much still to discover about these senses of ours... .

Do you close your eyes, by choice, when you feel anxious or overwhelmed? Or even just for fun and insight?

Let me be

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Being an HSP and a very strong introvert I spend a lot of time in this bubble of mine. It’s a space I’ve built to protect me from my perceived ‘noise’ of the world, as well as being a healthy quiet space where I can cultivate and curate my thoughts.

It’s funny though, as until fairly recently I often thought of my bubble as being ‘selfish’ and detaching me from the real world. So when my mum called me yesterday, and proceeded to tell me some traumatic story about an animal that had come to an unfortunate end… it burst my bubble, and I felt my tension levels rise. Again, for the millionth time, I asked her not to share this kind of stuff with me, and she proceeded to sigh, and told me to get back into my bubble. Thank you. I will. But it takes time for me to get back there, I struggle to simply ‘shake off’ my feelings as they cling to me like a heavy mist.

I realise that some people need to share in order to process, and that getting things off our chest can be an important part of processing. I am also not naive enough to realise that I get to control my every ‘real world’ interaction (even though I’ll try, ahahaha ;) However I do find that often this act of ‘sharing’ can often simply spread the negative energy outwards. As I learn and understand more about being an HSP I am realising just how important it is to give ourselves the opportunity to choose when and how to interact with this kind of information. I am well aware of the trauma and violence that is going on in the world, and I’m in no way saying we can close our eyes to it. Far, far from it infact. But I need to allow myself the freedom to choose when and how I bring that information in, as only then will I have the energy to diffuse it and help bring about the change I wish to see.

No, I don’t watch the news… #tinytruth best act of self-love I ever made.

Full of Sunshine

Full of Sunshine
Positive Planner
Dear you.... you are full of sunshine ☀️even when you feel like darkness. You are full of strength 💪🏾 even when you feel weak. You are full of sparkles ✨ even when you feel grey and dull. You are full of laughter 🤩 even when only tears flow. You have people who love you 💛 you have passions that make your soul warm 🥰 You have so many good days and magical moments to treasure like gold ⭐️ it’s ok... it will pass.... let go of the expectation, have respect for the feelings your going through right in this moment, they are part of YOUR story. If you need help, ask, if you need space, take it, if you need sunshine, find it. If it’s a good moment, day, week, month, appreciate it, be present and be grateful. In some of my lowest periods, micro seconds of happiness have got me through, a bird 🐦 song, the way the ☀️ shines on something, the smell of coffee ☕️, the smile of a stranger. Hang in there. You are enough, you have enough and you do enough.
— Finn @ The Positive Planner

I was blown away by these words of Finn’s today… and they inspired my most recent zen-doodle.