Shhh

Shhh

My tiny quest for quiet.
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The noise of the world often gets too much for me. I measure my days to ensure there are pockets of peace scattered throughout, my safe spaces where I can let the dust of my mind settle. Social media, and connection in here is definitely a challenge for me. I'm trying to find balance between the energy of the interactions in here that spark joy, and my need for pause and peace. The space within these two bubbles is where I wish to sit. Do you guys know that poem by A.A.Milne...
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“Halfway down the stairs, is a stair, where I sit. There isn't any, other stair, quite like, it. I'm not at the bottom, I'm not at the top; So this is the stair, where, I always, stop. Halfway up the stairs, isn't up, and isn't down. It isn't in the nursery, it isn't in the town. And all sorts of funny thoughts, run round my head: It isn't really anywhere! It's somewhere else instead!”
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My mum used to sing this to us a lot when we were small, but it makes sense for me in this context. I've not yet found that stair just yet... but this week I'm going to try to listen in more and feel when the energy pull either way is too strong.
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How do you cultivate your quiet?
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Mixed Messages

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I’ve been thinking about mixed messages and trying to understand my introverted (and HSP) nature.

One of the most amazing (and challenging) things about becoming a mother is how it has forced me to go inside. Somewhere that I had always been too scared to go. The only way I can help them to navigate their worlds, is to try to get a better understanding of my own. Learning to understand the way I think has been the biggest gift my kids have given me, and I’m still unwrapping it daily. One important thing I’ve learnt along the way is how incredibly strong an introvert (and HSP) I am. Accepting, and not fighting this, and trying to find ways to work with this wiring of mine helps me see that there are other ways of being, that I don’t think I was aware of as a child, or even adult. There are many reasons that have influenced the way I show myself to the world, but almost all of them have included clever tricks to try to hide.

I am a master faker. Even to myself. I don’t know if this is an introvert thing, and HSP thing, a gemini thing, a big family thing, a nomadic thing, a strict school thing. But very few people get to peek at the real me. They see calm, kind, smily me… but I have a wild, electric, stubborn, sweary me too. This me, this tinygiant inside, feels more like the true me that I’m starting to embrace, and trust. These waves inside are not things to be scared of. They are a powerful force, indeed, but they too are a gift. Learning to sail these waves does indeed bring it’s challenges, but I truly believe we have to be careful when we think we can change the weather… it’s like trying to bottle a storm. It’s forcing the giant to stay tiny, when really the giant must shine, and step out from the shadows.

Finding ways to communicate my thoughts and feelings still is one of the biggest challenges of this brain of mine. I’m slowly starting so sit in my storm and can see that there is joy and peace in there too. My giant is nothing to be scared of. I want my kids to see this too, we all have our own weather systems inside, and seven days of still sunshine isn’t always as glorious as it sounds.

Show me your storm!